The Great Papyrus, Cat-Sitter Extraordinaire!
by PorterHawk
Summary: Fell is forced to take a vacation with Red and the Swapbros. He needs someone to cat sit for him, and make sure Slim doesn't get into trouble. Of course who else could he turn to but the Great Papyrus! (Undertale/Swapfell) AU
1. Day One

"Mornin' Pap." Sans announced tiredly as he came down the staircase. Not that Papyrus could consider it morning any more, seeing as it was already 10:30 and the afternoon nearly here. He had no time to worry about Sans oversleeping though. Their guest would be here any minute and he still had more to clean!

"Now is not the time Sans!" Papyrus responded absently as he ran around the room with a dust rag. "The others will be here any minute and I'm not done cat proofing the house!" Sans glanced around with a raised brow bone, looking over the immaculately clean room now devoid of all nicknacks and breakable wears.

"I don't know bro. Looks pretty good to me."

"That's because your not paying attention!" Papyrus huffed as he ran over to their pet rock with a brush and dustpan in hand. Swiftly he swept up all the old sprinkles and deftly poured them into the trashcan, closing the lid and setting his hands on his hips. "Now it's cat proof!" Papyrus announced quite smuggly.

"Heh, that it is." Was Sans' only response as he plopped himself lazily on the sofa. Papyrus didn't have time to be nagging him about it though, instead running to the kitchen and removing his apron. Just as he was placing it in the drawer a loud zapping noise sounded from below, causing the floor to shake.

"They're here!" Papyrus ran to the basement door, opening it just in time for a rather irritated looking Fell standing on the top step. He stepped in with a rolling bag and a pet taxi. The creature inside was growling angrily, though his owner didn't seem perturbed in the slightest. Fell wasn't wearing his normal attire, instead sporting a black leather jacket and a bright red Hawaiian shirt underneath, most likely provided by Blue. Slim came in next carrying a duffle bag, with Red trailing behind wearing a pair of sunglasses and a stained magenta shirt matching Fells.

"Hello everyone!" Papyrus chimed. Fell grunted and set the pet carrier down, carefully walking around the first floor and examining every nook and cranny. Papyrus wrung his fingers nervously, sweat starting to speckle his skull. He hoped it was acceptable, he didn't know how to best prepare his home for Doomfanger. Apparently Fell was satisfied, taking the carrier away from everyone and opening the door. No cat ran out, but perhaps he was just being shy? Fell wasn't bothered, instead ready to get right to business.

"I prepared a list of everything you'll need to know." Fell took out a fifteen page binder with neatly labelled tabs. He began flipping through the pages and explaining each section. Sans sat awkwardly on the couch, seeming more concerned about Slim's obsenent arm scratching.

"Come on pal, I'll show ya where you'll be sleeping. Paps got the whole thing setup." Sans took Slim's hand and led him up the stairs, distracting him enough to stop his nervous clawing. Red was clearly board himself, deciding to waltz over to the kitchen and audibly rummage through the fridge. Papyrus ignored him, instead trying to listen intently to what Fell had to say. There was so much for him to remember, not that he couldn't handle it! He just never realized how much care a fifteen year old cat would need. He would do his best of course, and Doomfanger was sure to be super comfortable here even if it killed him!

"Excellent Edgy-me! This will be no problem at all and I'm always happy to watch Doomfanger for you! Though I must ask why Slim couldn't do so? I mean since he's been living with you two and all-"

"Based on his… destructive habits, I prefer he not be left alone for long periods." Fell cut the other off. The dark skeleton wasn't being specific, but if Slim's chiselled arm scars and claw marks were anything to go by then he had a decent idea.

"Anyway, be sure to crush two blue pills each morning and mix them with his wet food." Fell pulled out a green pencil case with 'Doomfanger' written across the top in sharpy. "The white pills are for his arthritis, crush one of these up at 5:30 every evening and mix with his dinner."

"Right, two blue pills in the morning and one white one in the evening. The Great Papyrus can remember!" He posed confidently, though his double wasn't finished.

"These last few pages are on Slim's care."

"... Slim's care?" Papyrus asked a bit unsettled.

"Yes." Fell responded as if writing down a functioning adults personal care was completely normal. He pulled out an orange pencil case labeled 'Slim.' "It lists the medications he takes and what times he needs to have them… He tends to forget when left to himself." Papyrus nodded stiffly. He still wasn't completely comfortable with this, but Fell does tend to be a bit overbearing. He could see his dominating counterpart behaving rather… maternally towards their weaker self. Papyrus could certainly see himself being a great mother given the opportunity, so why not Fell?

"Do not worry Edgy-me!" Papyrus struck a new confident pose. "The Great Papyrus will take great care of both house guests! So you will have nothing to worry about on your trip!" The dark skeleton nodded.

"Good. Now remember, it's a two-week trip in the Swap-verse, so that translates to roughly nine days here. We'll be back next Monday." Papyrus eagerly nodded.

"As I said, no need for you to worry!" Papyrus chimed while pushing Fell towards the basement door. "Now don't be late for your flight, and enjoy yourself!" Fell looked like he was about to say something else before Red ported to his side holding a bottle of lemonade.

"Seriously Boss any longer and you'll be late for the first time in your life."

"The Terrible Papyrus is never late for anything!" Fell growled indignantly but gawked as soon as he checked his watch. "Farewell Slim we shall see you soon!" Fell shouted before grabbing his brother's collar and dragging him down the stairwell, yanking him hard enough to nearly spill his stollen beverage. Within a few seconds the machine whirled to life and a bright flash could be seen from upstairs.

"Have fun!" Papyrus waved as the two vanished, inhaling deeply with renewed vigor. Time to finish setting up! He went over to the luggage bag Fell had left him, unzipping it to reveal everything he would need. A litter box, cat food, litter, a scope, two bowls, toys. The only thing missing was a full sized cat tower. Sans came out of Papyrus' bedroom, walking downstairs by himself.

"Where is Tiny-me? We have so much to do!" Papyrus said eagerly.

"Left him upstairs to unpack. He was rather surprised by the creation you made."

"But of course brother, who else could make the best pillow forts other than the Great Papyrus!"

"That's why your the coolest." Sans began. "So, did Doomfanger come out yet?" Papyrus shook his head.

"Not yet, but perhaps he is just shy? Or needs encouragement?" Papyrus stepped over to the pet taxi and peaked inside. A single slit yellow eye stared back at him through the darkness, not making any movements. "You can come out Doomfanger. The house was prepared just for you!" The cat didn't respond, instead blinking up at the tall skeleton and making no movements.

"What's wrong buddy?" Sans came over and asked. "Cat got your tongue?"

"Sans no!" Papyrus whined.

"Sans yes." the shorter responded while pointing his fingers at Pap. A loud snarl came from the carrier and a big black paw swatted at Sans' foot. The skeleton jumped back a bit in surprise.

"See Sans! Even Doomfanger can't stand your puns!" Papyrus gestured to the pet taxi.

"Huh, guess I'm pussing my luck with this guy."

"Sans!" Papyrus manifested eyeballs in annoyance, but a chuckle from above snapped him out of it. Slim was standing questioningly on the catwalk above the brothers, unsure if he should intervene or not.

"Ah, Tiny-me! Perhaps you can help us with this kitty conundrum! He's being rather rude to Sans and won't come out." Slim nodded before porting downstairs near the pet taxi.

"Here kitty." Slim whispered in a slightly higher pitched voice. Slowly he reached his arms in and pulled out a huge beast. The thing had scruffy black fur, was missing an ear and half its tail, and had a clearly blind right eye. He was scarred up and mean looking, with the two lower canine teeth jutting out like a bull dogs. Slim carefully adjust the eighteen pound slab of muscle in his grip, making his way over to the couch and taking a seat. The scarred creature seemed to be content in Slim's arms as it started to make a low rumbling noise that was probably this cat's version of purring.

"He doesn't like Red." Slim said quietly while rubbing the creature's chin.

"I could have guessed." Sans said from the far side of the room. At some point he made his way to the stairwell and was looking at Doomfanger quiet warily and with an ounce of… Fear? Disgust? Either way he didn't seem too excited with the thing upon meeting it. "I'll let you two get comfortable." The short skeleton swiftly walked to his bedroom and shut the door behind him. Huh, how strange. Papyrus would have to file that away for later. Right now, however, was time to plan.

"Alright Tiny-me! We have a lot of things to do this week! Luckily I made up an itinerary for your time here!" Papyrus pulled out a whiteboard on a tall stand. The schedule of activities was taped to the board and color coded, each page lined up in order. "Let's start off with today's schedule first. We'll-" Papyrus turned around to see Slim sitting with his sockets closed and skull crooked to the side. He was breathing deeply and Doomfanger was laying on his lap, or spilling off of his lap due to the cat's size. The maimed beast looked up at the skeleton with its half opened good eye and made a guttural noise. Papyrus wasn't sure if it was a growl or a meow, either way it remained unsettling. "Hmmm, maybe I'll make lunch first then go over todays activities after that?" Papyrus aimed the question at Doomfanger, who responded with a deep meow. "I'll take that as a yes then."


	2. It's a Mad World

The microwave went off, Papyrus quickly removing the buttered popcorn inside. It was Slim's third night with them already, and Papyrus had quite the event planned. He was pretty sure Slim had never officially experienced a "game night" before, so he wanted to make this one extra special. He even allowed both Sans and Slim to sleep in. That way neither could use the excuse of being too tired to participate. Plus all this food would surely keep Slims interest if the games didn't! A rough meow from behind made him turn. Doomfanger in all his glory had decided it was time to eat, and was now rubbing up against his leg.

"Hold on Doomfanger, your dinner isnt for another ten minutes!" that didn't stop the cat from begging, as he used his weight to trip the skeleton as he attempted to move around the kitchen. "Look!" Papyrus found page six in the binder Fell provided and held it up to the feline. "Your owner stated that your dinner is at 5:30 every evening. It is precisely 5:22 right now. Therefore you do not get to eat for another eight minutes!" Doomfanger didn't seem to care, instead sniffing the page and rubbing his cheek against the corner. "Now, if we have come upon an understanding I would like to get back to cooking!" Papyrus huffed and turned to grab the popcorn bag. He carried it over to the metal bowl he had prepared, only for his foot to hit something solid. He barely managed to grab the counter on his way down, stopping him from impacting with the floor. He examined the bag carefully, grateful that none of the popcorn had spilled. His attention then turned to the culprit, now standing near his food dish and waiting impatiently. "Doomfanger! That was very rude! And no! You still don't eat for another four minutes!" That seemed to do the trick, as the cat then proceeded to leave.

Nodding with satisfaction, Papyrus turned back to the popcorn, filling the bowl and pulling the brownies he made from the oven. Perfect! Everyone was going to have so much fun! He then glanced at the oven clock. 5:29. NOW it was time to feed Doomfanger.

"Come here Doomfanger!" Papyrus called as he mixed the crushed pill bits with his wet food. "It's time to eat!" The cat still didn't come. Curious the skeleton stepped into the living room, seeing Sans napping on the couch and Slim watching TV next to him. "Have you seen Doomfanger Tiny-me?" Papyrus questioned. Slim pointed to the corner of the room. The skeleton glanced over to see the cat chewing on-

"Doomfanger no!" Papyrus rushed over and tried wrestling the sock from the cats mouth. The feline growled, puffing up its fur as it yanked hard against Papyrus' grip. "That's Sans' sock!"

"That's my what now?" Sans sat up groggily at his name being called, sockets going wide at seeing the spectacle.

"Sans! I told you to pick up your sock!" Papyrus nagged now fighting a full on tug of war with Doomfanger.

"Sorry bro." Sans snickered while pulling out his cellphone and hitting record. "I can't help it sometimes. I'm too into my catnaps." Papyrus groaned and the cat hissed, neither of them liking the joke.

"Sans, that was your worst one today!"

"True, not some of my best material. I'll just slink off and think of something better." Sans winked at his younger brother's dismay.

"I t-think you're pussing your luck with him." Slim said quietly with a chuckle. The puny skeletons bumped knuckles at the groans and hissing across the room. Suddenly loud pounding at the door made all of them turn.

"PAPYRUS!" A loud gruff voice shouted from the other side.

"They're here!" Papyrus released the sock Doomfanger was still tugging on, causing the cat to fly backwards. The skeleton ignored him, rushing to the door before Undyne kicked it in.

"About time dork!" Undyne smiled toothily.

"N-nice to see you again." Alphys peeked out from behind the fish monster and gave a small wave.

"Always a pleasure to have friends over! Please come inside!" Papyrus took a step back allowing the ladies to enter.

"Sup' Captain?" Sans grinned while giving a halfhearted wave from the sofa.

"I'm not your Captain anymore you lazy ass." Undyne waved him off before noticing Slim pushing the cat into the kitchen. "Hey Pipsqueak! It's been a while." Slim shot up and nodded his acknowledgment. He also gave a timid wave to Alphys, who parroted the motion back.

"Take a seat everyone! It's almost time to start!" Papyrus came out of the kitchen balancing a large stack of snacks and games.

"Sounds good, I'll leave you all to it." Sans stood up ready to walk upstairs but a bone wall stopped him.

"Oh no you don't lazy bones! You said you'd play with us!" Sans turned around and shrugged.

"Alright bro. Guess I forgot all about that." Sans smiled and shuffled back over to the couch. "So what's the first game?" The short skeleton inquired while propping himself on the floor against the sofa.

"It's a human game brother! You may remember that we had a few pieces Underground but never enough to play it. Now we do!" Papyrus eagerly showed off the new game he had bought last week. There was a bald moustached man on the cover presenting the title letters 'Monopoly' big and bold on the front.

"Oh! I-I actually had the Dr. Who version of t-this game." Alphys started excitedly but trailed off in embarrassment.

"There were many versions at the store I went to, but I figured we should first learn the tried and true classic one." Papyrus announced while ripping off the plastic and removing the lid. There were a lot of little metal pieces, plastic houses, paper human money. At least the lizard monster knew what it all meant. Within a few minutes Alphys managed to get the entire game board set up while Papyrus was turning the directions every which way. They were a bit confusing to say the least.

"I don't think I fully understand…" Papyrus said to himself quite loudly.

"T-that's okay. The r-rules are rather simple. Buy properties and t-try to be the last player with money in your p-possession to win." Huh, that certainly did sound simple! "It w-will get easier as we go. I-is everyone ready?"

"Of course! Tiny-me?" Papyrus took the race car piece and looked over to Slim, whom gave a small nod while coaxing Doomfanger onto his lap. "You can be the dog piece Tiny-me!" The skeleton exclaimed while handing him the scruffy metal dog. Sans used his magic to float the thimble piece into the starting square. "Really Sans. The thimble?"

"What can I say. The piece speaks to me." Sans shrugged.

"Ah, I see it now. It's the lump that doesn't move." Papyrus commented.

"Exactly. You know me too well bro." Sans smiled and leaned backwards, though Undyne seemed to be fed up with their banter.

"Prepare yourselves punks!" Undyne jammed the cannon piece on the start square. "There's only room for one winner here, and that's me!"

"Nyeh! We shall see about that. Get ready!" Papyrus countered back rolling the dice and finally starting the game.

"Bull shit!" Undyne pulled at her hair in frustration. "You were down to fifty dollars! How the hell are you in second place?!"

"What can I say. I'm just riding the rails to success." Sans winked while waving all four railroad cards smuggly.

"You frickin' cheater!"

"No cheating here. All I wanted was to own all four railroads, and with that my life is complete. Maybe you should work on your investment strategies."

"And maybe you should be bankrupt!" Undyne threw her paper money in frustration.

"And now your making it rain for us? Never realized you were so generous." Sans grinned when Undyne looked about ready to pounce.

"Can we please get back on track?!" Papyrus asked over Undyne's snarling. Sans and Slim both looked at each other before cracking up with laughter.

"Good one bro." Sans smiled and wiped his sockets when they began tearing up. Papyrus had to think on his statement before he finally noticed the pun. He couldn't help cracking a small grin at it before getting back into his pun hating persona.

"You know what I meant!"

"Before we get started again, let's quickly recap. Just to make sure everyone-" Sans said with emphasis towards Undyne. Apparently he was having way too much fun seeing her raging to quite just yet. "Is on the same page. I, fair and square, bought three railroads from the banker." Sans gestured towards Alphys next who nervously wrang her fingers. "Then after several rounds of hard negotiating I bought the final railroad from Slim, for the generous sum of three thousand eight hundred dollars."

"You frickin' traitor." Undyne growled towards the nervous skeleton. Slim pulled his hood up in shame, having eventually given in to Sans' demands despite her protest. Doomfanger stirred a bit at Slim tensing. The cat in his lap made a strange guttural sound before closing his eye again. "Then through smart investment strategies I built my fortune back up from nothing. That sound about right?" Sans grinned smugly at the seething fish monster.

"More like dumb luck and miraculous rolls! You haven't bought anything else BUT railroads!" Undyne seethed.

"And look who's the only player with an actual Monopoly. You just need to have the right train of thought to succeed." Sans' shit grin seemed to be the last straw. Undyne stood up quickly, towering over the lazy skeleton with a rage that would make most monsters run crying. Sans didn't budge though, instead meeting her gaze with his usual stupid smile. The cat glanced up at the two, clearly board of their shouting. Suddenly Doomfanger leapt out of Slim's lap landing square on the gameboard, scattering all the cards and game pieces in his wake.

"Hey!" Undyne screeched at the cat, anger now fully centered on the animal. "We weren't done w- What's wrong with its face?!" Undyne cut off upon noticing Doomfanger's unusual appearance. She held the cat up by his armpits and looked his head over with a wide eye. "His underbite is so cool! And what's with all this muscle?! Isn't he like twelve?"

"Fifteen actually." Papyrus interjected.

"FWUHUHUH! Tell his owner he needs to lay off the roids!" Undyne laughed heartily and placed the cat back on the floor, to which he immediately proceeded to lay right back down on the game board. Thankfully Undyne's surprise seemed to have quelled her anger, as she simply sat back down and threw her cards on the carpet.

"I think the cats decided the games over." Sans said with a shrug. "Looks like this train has reached its last stop."

"I t-think you meant its been derailed." Slim added quietly. Both skeletons fell into uncontrollable laughing fits, for what reason Papyrus couldn't understand.

"Enough with the railroad puns!" Papyrus huffed, collecting all of the cards and fake money scattered around the living room. "We have many more games to play, so lets-" he was cut off by a loud noise in the basement and the power flickering. The entire room went quiet.


	3. An Unexpected Reunion

The monsters stared wide eyed at the basement door, Sans, Undyne and Slim with their magic ready while Papyrus watched with more curiosity then concern. It sounded like the machine, and by the way the foundation shook someone unexpected had just entered. Papyrus and Sans both looked at each other, neither of them expecting any more muli-universal guest. The two then turned to Slim next, who was completely ready to attack if needed.

"He- *hic* Helloooooooo?" a gravily yet gidy voice said through the doorway. Sans raised a brow bone in suspicion. It almost sounded like a Sans, and they sounded extremely drunk. "P-Puppy? *Hic* W-where are youuuuu?" Slim immediately dropped his magic, teleporting to the basement door and swiftly opening it. An off balance Razz nearly fell face first on the top step, only saved by Slims quick action with blue magic. "H-Hey Pu *hic* Puppy! I-I looked all over fur ya! Ya weren't in Un… Under Whatever or the o- *hic* other dimensions." Razz said in an almost cheerful tone. Based on that alone even Papyrus could tell something was seriously wrong here. The bruising and cracks on his face and hands really didn't help matters, nor did the tears and blood on his clothing. He must have been in a fight, and by the looks of it on the losing side. Sans was clearly torn on what to do, but the silent plea in Slim's expression seemed to sway his decision.

"Why don't ya set him on the couch Slim?" Sans suggested. Slim nodded, grabbing his brother gingerly and guiding him to the sofa. Razz was barely standing, and Papyrus had no clue how he managed to walk that far. They eventually made it though, and Slim took a seat with his brother, hand on his shoulder in case the other tried to stand again. "Has Razz ever gotten drunk before?" Sans asked the frail skeleton under his breath. Slim shook his head, looking equally as confused and scared as Papyrus felt.

"Y-you should probably ask about how much h-he's had." Alphys added. "I d-don't know if skeleton can get a-alcohol poisoning."

"They can't, but that's a good place to start." Sans commented before facing the skeletons on the sofa. "How much alcohol have you had today?" Sans asked slowly and clearly. Razz looked like he was actively trying to remember, attempting to slowly count it out on his fingers.

"Thr- *hic*... four." Razz eventually slurred before giggling uncontrollably.

"Four… what? Four shots? Four cups?" Razz continued laughing, waving his nearly empty bottle of vodka and sloshing the remaining fluids. "Four bottles?! That's like seven liters of strait vodka!"

"Is that a lot Sans?" Papyrus asked quietly.

"Yeah Paps. Pretty sure in one sitting that's lethal for most humans." The younger nodded before looking worriedly over at the drunk Sans. Slim was trying to hold down his intoxicated brother while he attempted to squirm his way off the couch. "You may want to grab a trash can." Sans whispered while watching his sorry excuse of a counterpart. If Razz was indeed that drunk then there was only one way this could end. Papyrus stood up and ran to the kitchen, dragging the garbage over and setting it at Slim's side.

"Pu- *hic* Puppy. I-I gotz a tell yas somthin'." Razz attempted to pat Slim on the face but missed several times before finding the others nasal passage and tapping it clumsily. "I-I know *hic* knows I'm a horrible brother. And *hic* the… the-the other Puppy waz right! Ya do deserve better!" Razz wasn't making much sense, and his stumbling speech only confused everyone more.

"What the hell happened to him?" Undyne finally asked dissipating her spear. It was a question everyone seemed to agree on but no one had an answer to.

"... Why are you hurt Master?" Slim managed to ask after a long silence. Razz tried to wave him off, eyelights unfocused and movement unrefined.

"Just some hu- *hic* humans after work. Coulda won too if it weren't *hic* stupid Toriel." Slim's eyelights turned to pinpricks and his body tensed.

"W-what?" Slim questioned sounding terrified. If Papyrus remembered right Slim had mentioned Razz being crazy loyal to the crown, the mere idea of him insulting the Queen was laughable. The day Slim's brother talked down about his monarch would be the day hell froze over, and the nervous skeleton seemed to firmly believe it

"S-she *hic* forbid us from fightin' the humans. Stupid kid cha- *hic* changed her mind. NO WAR she said!" Raz pulled on Slim's studded collar for extra emphasis before dropping his arms to the side. "Lettin' 'em walk all over us. And for what? Segregation and legal beatin's? Get *hic* dusted and no one cares." His expression suddenly becoming very somber.

"Ya know it's not the same on the surface. They expect ya ta stop being violent *hic* b-blend in wit everone else. Forget your entire life of killin' ta survive. But they *hic* theyz don't know the voices." Slim tilted his head in confusion. "The s- *hic* the screams nevar stap. Dust is always floatin' everwhere!" He made a clumsy jazz hand motion with his fingers before waving them out like a firework explosion. "And tha urges r aweful. They nevar goes away, a- *hic* and the… tha guilt they force on ya! Ya can't change the past, they tell ya ta feelz guilty, but *hic* ya only go numb." Razz started to sniffle, tears no one thought this monster capable of were falling in waves. "LOVE's too high. I *sniffle* I'm really t-tired Puppy." He murmured. Soon Razz's crying became uncontrollable. The older sobbed and buried his face into Slim's hoodie. "I-I *hic* lonely Puppy. I can't *sniffle* go on without *hic* ya… I *sob* luv ya Puppy…" Whatever else Razz said was completely drowned out by his sobs. He went to grab Slim's torso, the taller tensing momentarily before realizing it was a hug and leaning down to hold the crying skeleton back.

Everyone watched on in stunned silence. No one could imagine the big bad abusive former Guard Captain being reduced to such a sorry state. Just what kind of hell did he go through?

"Please tell me you got all that." Undyne whispered to the sniffing lizard. "Y-yes. It's going up on my Facebook *sniffle* r-right now." Alphys was fighting back tears at the presumably touching moment.

"Ya know he's gonna kill you for that when he's sober again, right?" Sans leaned over and commented while pulling up Facebook on his own phone. No way he wouldn't download his own copy. This is blackmail gold.

"It's *sniffle* just s-so sweet!" Alphys squeaked. "It's like this anime I saw o-once-" She cut off upon noticing Doomfanger on the other end of the couch. He was watching the crying skeleton with an air of disinterest, standing up and waddling closer.

"Doomfanger wait!" Papyrus tried to grab the cat but was too late. He jumped on top of Razz's back making the skeleton lurch. All of a sudden Razz whipped his head to the side and vomited in the garbage can. The smell of alcohol was completely overwhelming at this point, his body unable to convert it all into magic. Everyone except Undyne found themselves cringing back. Slim started rubbing circles on his vomiting brother's back while Doomfanger tried to find a nice spot between Razz's spine and Slim's legs. Eventually he settled, spinning a few times before kneading his claws in and laying down. The cat was completely unperturbed by the mess he just caused, but neither skeleton seemed to care. Razz was too busy being sick while Slim whispered comforting words to his brother. The elder's retching seemed to go on forever before the vomiting turned into hiccuping coughs, bits of purple magic sputtering up from his mouth still.

"There there brother." Slim pulled the now half conscious skeleton further into his lap. "I love you too." He began stroking his brother's skull and nuzzling him like a stuffed bear, this being the most physical contact he's had with the other in years. Papyrus made his way over to the two after a long bout of silence, only filled by Slim's purring and Alphys' sobs.

"Is it alright if I heal him Tiny-me?" Papyrus questioned before starting. Slim nodded, allowing his double to examine the bruises on the sleeping skeleton's skull. "I'm sorry everyone, I don't know if you want to continue game night or end it here?" Papyrus asked his friends while summoning his healing magic.

"Are you kidding!?" Undyne shouted. "This has been great so far! An epic game of Monopoly, meeting this beast of a cat, and the pipsqueak getting to see his brother again. I wanna see what happens next!" She pumped her fist excitedly, rearing to go to the next round.

"Well, I must heal Razz before I can join you again." Papyrus added.

"I want to stay here." Slim said quietly while continuing to pet his unconscious brother. The lanky skeleton would probably be more content watching the festivities at this point.

"I have some DVDs in my i-inventory." Alphys stuttered. "We can w-watch anime until your done."

"That's a great idea!" Papyrus chimed. Everyone else seemed to agree, moving to get in better viewing spots while Alphys prepped the television. Sans took the chance to get closer to Papyrus, hopping to talk to him privately.

"You think we should tell the Fell-bros who came?" Sans asked Papyrus quietly. He knew the brothers didn't want Slim and Razz together at all, but at the same time he doubted they would have anticipated something like this happening. The two Tale brothers certainly didn't.

"Well, he's certainly not hurting anyone." Papyrus scratched his chin with his free hand thoughtfully. "And he made Tiny-me very happy. We can tell them later. I don't see why waiting one night wouldn't hurt." They both glanced at the two skeletons. Slim was sniffling and fighting back tears, humming happily while Razz slept quietly in his lap. Doomfanger looked up appearing rather annoyed that the Tale brothers had disturbed his nap.

"You make a valid argument." Sans shrugged while pulling up his phone camera. "I just want to capture this moment for prosperity sake." Slim abruptly pulled his own phone out and handed it to Sans. "Sure pal. I'm sure this will make a lovely background." Sans held the phone up promoting Slim to hug his brother tighter, and actually smile for the photo! Papyrus sat back and scratched his skull. This was certainly a rather eventful week so far. Maybe he could even work on improving the relationship between Razz and Slim! Stranger things have surely happened, so who's to say it can't? That settles it. Papyrus now had a new goal for the week!


	4. Everything is Aweful

Razz awoke with a groan. His head was throbbing and everything felt horrible. Even the act of opening his sockets felt like too much work. He was becoming well aware of muffled voices, though they were far too loud. Each word or laugh around him felt like another hammer to his skull. Stars why the hell is it so loud?! And this vibrating! Why is his bed vibrating?!

With a groan Razz took his hand and felt the surface roughly, only to realize he wasn't in his bed, but instead laying on something hard and uneven. He moved his hand higher realizing it was a… rib cage? Why was he lying on someone's rib cage? Swiftly he forced his sockets open, only to squeeze them shut again from the bright lights burning holes in his brain. When did the lights become so loud?! Slowly this time he opened one socket at a time, letting his aching eyes adjust a bit better. It suddenly dawned that this wasn't his bedroom, or living room for that matter. This was way nicer than his crappy low end apartment, but why was he in a nice house? He glanced up to see the source of the vibrations. Razz was laying on his brother… He was wrapped up in a blanket with the mutt holding him close and purring with happiness. A brief sensation of warmth washed over his soul before he quickly squashed it. He shouldn't be here, dear stars he really shouldn't be here. When the hell did he travel to Underfell? And why hadn't the Fell-brother's dusted him yet?! Another bout of painful laughter erupted from the other room. Had they really not noticed him? Or were they waiting for the mutt to wake up so they could separate the two first? Regardless he should take advantage of this opportunity while he still could. Gingerly the skeleton pulled himself off of the other, carefully moving Slim's arms away and positioning them back under the blanket. Within a few minutes he was free. Thank the stars, now to get out without being noticed.

His head pounding with each step Razz slowly made his way to what he presumed was the basement door. Or a closet, he could always hide out in a closet until the Fells left and his migraine subsided. He would take either one at this point. Carefully he pulled the door open, realizing it was indeed a stairwell. The skeleton prepared to step downward, only for some horrific gutteral noise to go off from behind. Swiftly Razz turned with several jagged bones summoned, only to look down and see the ugliest cat he's ever laid eyes on. The thing was staring up at him, eye wide and the very tip of his bushy tail flicking sporadically. Razz sighed and dissipated his magic. He supposed Fell would chase him down if he killed the creature, so best to leave it. The skeleton turned back towards the stairs only for claws to catch his pant leg.

"Cat!" Razz growled quietly while trying to pull away. The feline didn't budge, finding the whole thing to be some sort of amusing game. "I said release me at once!" The skeleton snarled while pulling his leg back hard. The cat was stronger then it looked, latching on with its mouth and pulling forcefully back. "I said le-" Razz cut off upon realizing that he wasn't standing anymore. At some point the cat let go while he was still pulling, and Razz didn't have a chance to regain his balance again. With a loud thudding he rolled down the stairwell, crashing hard into the concrete wall.

"Master?" Razz could hear faintly from upstairs. Stars damn it Slim woke up. That was really embarrassing. He needed to leave before the mutt found him again or-

"Heya pal." Razz flinched, encasing himself in a bone cage and cringing back at the sharp pain in his skull. "No need to freak bud. I just came down to talk." Comic said in his normal relaxed tone. Razz grunted and barred his teeth aggressively. Why the hell did Razz's life have to be nothing but misery? This was too much!

"Go away!" Razz snarled while rolling onto his hands and knees, holding his metaphorical gut as a wave of nausea hit hard.

"Not tibia rude or anything, but this is my house." Sans stuck his hands in his coat pockets and shrugged. So Razz was actually in Undertale? How the hell did he wind up here? And why was the mutt in this world too? Did something happen-

NO!

He didn't have time to think about that! He needs to go and he needs to go NOW. Shakily the former Guard Captain stood up, trying to walk towards the machine and NOT using the wall for support.

"Hold up now." Comic teleported blocking Razz's path. "You just got here, and it's probably bad to be jumping dimensions with a nasty hangover." Razz looked up at him skeptically. The hell is this idiot talking about? Razz doesn't drink, well he may have had a shot or two last night, but that was a one time event!

"Move!" Razz used blue magic to slide his counterpart towards the wall, slowly making his way towards the machine again. He was almost to the keyboard when a crackly noise sounded.

"They don't understand the voices."

Razz froze in place. That sound exactly like him. He slowly turned to see Comic holding up his smartphone, a video of Razz crying in Slim's lap currently playing.

"See, ya were really wasted last night, and ya may have said a few thing-"

"DELETE IT!" Razz snarled while lunging for his doppelgänger. The other Sans was too quick, teleporting away causing Razz to smash head first into a stack of dusty boxes. A quick wave of nausea washed over him from the motion, and he had to work hard to keep his magic down.

"Sure thing, though that won't do ya much good." Comic laughed when Razz's eyelights flaired to life. "Ya see, the person that made this video uploaded it online the other night. Even if I delete it, your crying drunk face will be online in this universe forever." With a snarl Razz flung two dozen bones at the other, barely missing as he ported out of range. The attacks impaled the wall deeply, bits of cracked concrete flaking to the floor.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Razz summoned a blaster and began firing. Comic dodged each beam, pieces of junk and concrete flying everywhere as the blaster continued to miss.

"Slow down fire ball, unless ya want me to share this video with the Fell brothers." Razz stopped his blaster from firing, though he still kept it summoned and ready.

"Your bluffing." Razz growled watching his face for deception.

"Clearly you underestimate how few shits I currently give." Comic smiled while flashing the screen at the other. A box had appeared asking if he would like to 'share now?' and his thumb was slowly moving to the yes button.

"Wait!" Razz held his hand up. There were many things he could live with. The stripping of his rank, his brother being stolen, and being forced into a beta position in human society with a shit job and racist neighbors. Despite all that, he still had a small bit of dignity left. Losing face to those Fell assholes might just be the last straw. "What are your demands?" Sans' skeleton grin grew smug, him hitting the cancel button on his phone while Razz dissipated his blaster.

"Ya may want to sit down for this one bud." Sans winked. "We have a lot to talk about."

Papyrus, Slim, Undyne and Alphys stood at the kitchen doorway watching the basement door intently. It had been at least ten minutes since all the fighting noises in the basement went quiet, and now everyone was waiting for Sans' return.

"Think we should intervene?" Undyne asked impatiently.

"Not yet. I'm sure Sans has everything covered!" Papyrus smiled confidently while trying to hide his own nerves. He couldn't help but feel a little worried himself. He'd give his brother three more minutes, then he would try helping. Razz seemed pretty inebriated, but that didn't make him any less powerful. With one minute and twenty three seconds left Papyrus managed to hear footfall on the stairwell.

"They're coming!" Papyrus whispered rather loudly. The four scrambled into the kitchen, Undyne and Papyrus taking their places at the stove while Alphys and Slim stumbled into the chairs. They made it just in time, as a few second later a smug looking Sans walked in along with Razz. The angrier skeleton didn't look well. Dark rings underlined his sockets and his eyelights were completely out. "Hello brother and Razz! How did you sleep?"

"Snow problems bro." Sans winked to Papyrus' annoyance. Even Doomfanger gave a small hiss, having snuck over to his food bowl at some point. Razz didn't seem to hear the question. His face fell into a stone look of shock and defeat. Whatever they discussed in the basement must have been rather serious. The two took a seat, Sans sitting next to Slim and Razz by Alphys. It was clear his presence made her nervous, as she wrung her tail sheepishly and began sweating buckets.

"Razz! Would you like some pancakes? Undyne and I made them!" Razz's sockets squeezed shut at Papyrus' volume.

"I would appreciate a dose of you shutting up." Razz growled while massaging his temples. Sans cleared his throat and gave his copy a death glare. That seemed to do something, as Razz's expression changed and he let out a long sigh. "I mean… fine."

"Excellent!" Razz winced again at the younger's flamboyant voice, clanking his head on the table and covering his ear holes. Sans smirked as Undyne scooped the blackened pancakes onto several plates, while Papyrus lept around setting them on the table. Slim ate his pancake hungrily, but stopped upon realizing Razz hadn't touched his yet.

"... Master?" Slim asked meekly, jumping back a bit when Razz grunted. "...a-aren't you… hungry?" The older lifted his head slightly and looked at the black mass with an air of disinterest. He grabbed his fork and poked the thick patty, uncooked batter seeping out of the crusty abomination. Without a word he took a chunk and stuck it in his mouth, chewing slowly and swallowing with a loud gulp.

"So when does the poison kick in?" Razz asked deadpan. The others stared at him wide eyed before Undyne spoke up.

"It's a pancake dumbass! Why would you say that?"

"No one would make anything this horrible without planning to kill someone, so what did you add? The bitter taste is making me think it's a strychnine. Though the hint of lemony horribleness reminds me of bleach. Or maybe it's a Tale-verse specific poison that I'm unaware of. So what did you use?" Razz became perplexed when Alphys pushed her plate away and Slim ran strait for the bathroom, loud hacking sounds ringing out shortly after. Undyne and Sans both appeared pissed, while Papyrus went from looking hurt to putting on a large smile.

"That is alright if you don't like our cooking! We will simply stop somewhere for breakfast once we leave!" Papyrus stood triumphantly while Undyne threw the plates in the trash.

"You people are leaving?" Razz asked Sans a bit confused.

"No. WERE leaving, to visit the dog park." Sans corrected after fixing his scowl.

"Once I brush Doomfanger's teeth I need to walk him, and what better place to walk your pet then the dog park!" Papyrus went over and scooped The cat off the ground, carrying him over to the sink where he had the toothbrush ready.

"Ya may wanna clean yourself up before we go. Don't want too many humans running away in terror." Sans leaned closer and cupped is hand by his mouth. "Ya look rather gross." Razz swatted his counterpart away before standing, making his way up the stairs. "I also pulled some spare cloths for ya. There on my mattress." Sans bursted into laughter when Razz flipped him off and stormed upstairs. Grinning widely he leaned back and wiped the tears from his sockets. This was gonna be great.


	5. Something Stupid This Way Comes

After dunking his head in a sink full of cold water (he blatantly refused to strip and use their shower with that stupid Comic hanging around), Razz headed down the hallway. He stepped into Sans' bedroom, immediately hit with the smell of greasy food and worn sockets. Stars this was disgusting! How could anyone live like this?! Even Slim's room never got this bad! Then again Razz was always hounding him to keep food and dirty laundry to a minimum when they lived together, but still!

"You ready yet pal?" Razz could hear Sans shouting snarkily from downstairs. With a growl Razz slammed the door shut behind him, making his way to the bed and seeing a short sleeve shirt and stained black workout shorts laid out for him. The shirt said "Bone Me" in obnoxious bright letters across the front, not to mention the ketchup stain under the M. There was no way in hell Razz would put either of those on. He'd search the closet for an alternative. Opening the sliding door Razz was greeted with a row of white t-shirts, most likely hung up by Papyrus at some point. Hurriedly the skeleton flipped through them, eventually coming across a charcoal gray t-shirt that looked brand new. There was also a skull and crossbones on the front, and no puns to be seen! He also found a pair of jeans with the tags still attached, most likely a recent purchase after coming to the surface. Excellent! He'd show that lazy asshole a thing or two with this outfit instead.

"Ya ready yet?" Sans snickered from the other side of the door. Razz pulled the clean cloths on and huffed, grabbing his ruined clothing and stepping towards the door. Swiftly he opened it, only to find a disappointed Sans with his cellphone recording the encounter.

"That's not the outfit I had picked for ya." Sans sighed.

"Couldn't let you have TOO good of a morning now could I?" Razz grinned triumphantly.

"Oh come now, you've really been tickling my funny bone so far. It'd be a shame to stop now."

"You will stop punning this instant!" Razz snarled already feeling his headache worsening.

"Would you two hurry up!" Papyrus shouted from downstairs. Growling at Sans' stupid grin Razz stormed downstairs to find everyone dressed and ready to leave.

Even Doomfanger was prepared, having been put in a red harness matching Fell's scarf. It had silver grommets the same color as the spikes in his collar, making him look comically dangerous in a strange way. The harness contained a good deal of his wild fur, making his chest area look far smaller than the rest of him. Though he still wasn't a small cat by any means, it became very obvious with the harness on how much of the cat's visible bulk was actually fur. Not that it mattered to Doomfanger, as he was already scratching the front door ready to leave.

"Finally!" Undyne shouted in her gratingly painful voice.

"To the park then!" Papyrus announced as he kicked the door open and flooding the house with sunlight.

It was so bright and painful, making Razz's bad headache explode into an even worse migraine. Stars he could feel that venomous breakfast bubbling up in his system! A fresh wave of nausea hit and he felt ready to vomit. Razz shut his sockets tight and hissed at the sunlight flooding the living room.

"Oh! Sorry about that Razz. I forgot how painful light can be with a hangover." Papyrus said apologetically before jumping a bit with a new idea. "Fear not! For the Great Papyrus has the perfect solution!" He dug through his inventory and pulled out a pair of sunglasses, ones that he would normally wear with his "Cool Dude" crop top and shorts. He shoved the glasses on Razz's face, giving him a second to adjust the fit.

"Is that a bit better?" Papyrus asked worriedly.

"... Surprisingly yes." Razz commented while fixing the band holding them on. That was a solid idea on Papyrus' part, not that he'd admit to it of course.

"EXCELLENT!" Razz winced at the increase in volume. "NOW to the park!" With that the monsters left, reaching the sidewalk and going several blocks until the streets became more crowded.

Doomfanger was at the end of his leash, leading the group of monsters to their destination. It was funny, how things here were similar enough to the Fell's surface world that the cat could still navigate quite well. He stalked heavily, fur fluffed out as he glanced around his newest territory. All the humans seemed to steer clear of the monstrous looking feline, or perhaps they were more worried about the actually monsters walking it? Either way they cleared a path. Which was really saying something, seeing as the streets were extra crowded today. Did those large colourful trucks up ahead have something to do with it?

Suddenly a women with a big Rottweiler came into view. The dog perked up immediately after spotting the group of walking chew toys, pulling hard on his leash to claim his prize.

"Shouldn't we do something?" Razz asked already summoning a weapon. He couldn't understand why everyone else was so calm right now.

"There is no need!" Papyrus announced. "I know this is your first walk with Doomfanger, but you'll find that he's rather… protective." Razz raised a brow bone unsure what an eighteen pound cat would do against a towering behemoth like that, but perhaps watching Fell's pet get ripped apart would be amusing. He crossed his arms and waited, watching the creatures as they neared each other. The dog didn't even make it ten feet before Doomfanger snapped into action. The felines hair suddenly stood on end, ears lowering as he bared his teeth. A guttural snarl escaped the cat's throat and he swung at his target with sharpened claws. The dog lept back in fright, colliding with his owner and nearly topping her. The canine whined at the angry devil, tail tucked low as he tried running the opposite direction. He barely had to try, taking his hundred pound owner down easily in his desperation to escape. Within seconds of her being dragged off Doomfanger went back to his normal pissy self, looking at the humans around with an air of disinterest.

"Well that was… aggressive." Razz commented. Stars even he had better self control then that, though he can honestly say he's wanted to do that to these stupid humans on more than one occasion.

"Dude, this cat is AWESOME!" Undyne howled throwing both her fists in the air. "I totally need a cat like this one!"

"B-but Undyne! Shouldn't we t-talk-"

"What's to talk about Alph? Do you not see this things fighting spirit!" She gestured towards the feline currently growling at a man that had stepped too close.

"I don't think Doomfanger is like most cats 'Dyne." Sans interjected. "It takes a special kind of animal to survive in the Fellverse Underground like this one did."

"Which is why I'll hold trials to see which cat will be at my side!" Undyne roared back. "Then we shall be an unstoppable trio! Me, the kick ass cat and my adorable girlfriend!" She grinned at Alphy's for her last statement, making the lizard blush bright red in embarrassment.

"Quiet down everyone! We are here!" Papyrus announced excitedly as they came across a large metal gate. It was the local Edott City Park, which happened to have a sizeable dog park near the entrance. There were two gated off areas, one a free roaming lawn for medium and large dogs, while the other was meant for small rat sized canines. It was also incredibly crowded today, no doubt due to the event across the street. All the monsters thankfully entered without trouble. The group continued on despite the various dogs showing extreme interest in the passing skeletons, but Doomfanger's mere presence kept them all at a distance.

They eventually entered an area blocked off from the rest of the park by a shorter chain link fence. No other dogs or people were inside. Instead stood a ramp, a long curved tube thing plus what appeared to be several jumping obstacles.

"This is perfect! We shouldn't have to worry about any meddling canines in here." Papyrus decided.

"So what's with all this stuff anyway? Is it some weak ass workout equipment or something?" Undyne inquired while playing with the pole on one of the hurdles.

"A-actually it's an agility course for dogs." Alphys interjected. "I sometimes take Endogamy here to get some exercise. The other Dog Squad members like to use it too."

Razz glanced around still sceptical of their safety. Honestly he didn't have to worry about himself but would his brother be alright…

No.

Slim would be fine, he can handle himself when needed, regardless of his lazy habits and being extremely out of shape. The others he didn't really care for, or know enough about to even try caring.

"We'll see how Doomfanger does on this course!" Papyrus chimed excitedly breaking Razz from his thoughts.

"He can what now?" Undyne asked eyeing the cat carefully.

"Run an agility course! As long as we follow Fell's instructions that is." Papyrus took the binder from his inventory and began flipping through it. Though Undyne seemed interested, the same could not be said for Sans.

"You kids have fun then. Imma watch from over there." Sans motioned towards a nice shaded tree near the fence. "Ya wanna come Slim?" The tall skeleton gave a small nod while trying to hide his heavy breathing from their recent walk. The two made themselves comfortable, shortly followed by Alphys and the rapid tapping on her cellphone. Razz stood there awkwardly, still too pissed to try getting any closer to Comic. Actually, would standing here not interacting at all be breaking their deal? Stars he hated being blackmailed.

"So the cat can do agility courses?" Razz asked Papyrus skeptically looking at the black feline currently grooming his crotch. He honestly couldn't think of anything else to talk about.

"Indeed!" Papyrus chortled looking up from Fell's binder. "Though I haven't tried leading him through a course yet, nor do we have a cat specific agility course. I imagine this dog one would do in its place though." Razz continued to glance between the two but decided to stand back and watch. Surely the resulting mess this would cause could prove entertaining at least.

"First, it looks like I'll need to remove Doomfanger's leash." Papyrus leaned down and unbuckled the red strip from his harness. "Second, he needs to have his special stick toy." The skeleton then grabbed a long plastic wand from his inventory, sporting a pink fuzzy thing at the end with several feathers. Doomfanger perked up immediately, tail flicking and ready to pounce.

"Almost ready Doomfanger!" Papyrus stated while rereading the next step. "Step three, place Doomfanger at the starting position, then use toy to lead him around the course."

"That's all?" Undyne questioned.

"Looks like it. Let's see what happens!" Papyrus scooped the cat off the ground and set him near the first hurdle. The skeleton wiggled the toy a little above the first bar. In a flash Doomfanger was already over the jump with the toy in his mouth.

"SUCCESS! Did you see that brother?!" Papyrus turned to find Sans fast asleep against the tree trunk. Alphys was busy playing a game on her phone, while Slim sat between the two watching intently. He gave a thumbs up at Papyrus' achievement.

"ALRIGHT!" Undyne shouted instead. "That was awesome! Do another!" Quickly Papyrus moved over to the ramp, leading Doomfanger closely behind. The cat followed instructions beautifully, already having cleared the tunnel and several more hurdles. "Your pretty good at this." Undyne praised to Papyrus' delight.

"As great as I am at cat training, I must confess Doomfanger is just as great in this regard as the Great Papyrus!" Doomfanger didn't seem moved by the compliment, instead waiting impatiently for the wand to twitch again.

There was a shout of pain, all parties turning towards the shade tree. Alphys was pushed on her side still trying to process what had happened. Sans was wide awake now with Slim sprawled on top of him. A large german shepherd was chomping hard on Slim's arm, tugging at his limb possessively.

"Puppy!" Razz shouted rushing towards his injured brother. He swiftly grabbed the dog's soul and tried yanking him off, only for the canine to stay latched on tightly. A sudden black blur whizzed past him, pouncing on the dogs face and digging its claws in with a loud snarl.

That did the trick, forcing the mutt to let go with an ear piercing yelp. In a flash Sans and Slim were ported several feet back.

"You okay?" Sans asked watching the fighting animals with his eyelight blazing. Slim gave a small nodd, though clearly more concerned with Doomfanger's safety. In a few seconds the fight was over. The squealing hound ran back into the bushes, pushing its way through a hidden hole in the fence and sprinting out the other side. The angry feline wasn't far behind, followed still by an angry fish monster.

"Tiny-me! Are you alright?!" Papyrus rushed over trying to pull up Slim's sleeve. "Sans that thing nearly killed you!"

"Yeah, but thankfully it didn't." Sans said still a bit rattled. "Thanks for the save pal-"

"YOU MORON!" Razz interrupted, grabbing Slim roughly by the collar. "You didn't defend yourself at all! How could-"

"Can't use magic here." Slim breathed. "S-sorry Master…" Razz looked at him completely baffled before understanding set in. Right, if they even tried fighting back in a public place they'd immediately be blamed for this whole mess.

"Find Doomfanger please." Slim winced when Papyrus started fiddling with the new cracks. "He might get hurt." Razz honestly couldn't see that cat being on the losing end of whatever he was dishing out right now, but it would probably be best to stop him before someone got maimed. Razz nodded and swiftly ran after the screams of terror. Stars this was already a disaster.

Meanwhile Alphys shakily stood upright. That was absolutely terrifying. Who knew the dogs up here could be so aggressive. Certainly the Dog Squad could do damage when needed, but that was only as a last resort. She supposed non-monster canines couldn't read situations as well though.

A sudden hiss from Slim made her freeze. Papyrus was using healing magic on Slims bloody arm, while Sans was standing menacingly watching for more danger. She had to help somehow, but what could she do? The Dog Squad often comes here in the mornings for daily jogs. Maybe they could help calm the frightened bystanders currently growing in number. Actually there was a whole mob of people running towards the exit now with children or pets in tow.

"Run for it!"

"There's a rabid animal on the loose!"

"Somebody call the police!"

The desperate screams from the crowd soon spread the fear like wildfire, causing even more people to run for the street.

Clumsily she ran from the fenced area. If the Dog Squad was here she'd need to get to the open field near the park center. That's only if the vicious snarls and fearful barks nearby hadn't alerted them first.

She didn't make it far before getting grabbed by her shirt. A fuzzy clawed hand was swiftly pulling her into nearby foliage. It was Dogressa and Dogomi looking rather fearful.

"Thank goodness we saved you!" Dogomi sighed with relief.

"There is a black demon outside. Must stay hidden." Dogressa confirmed.

"B-but you trained to face much more difficult enemies then a housecat! You c-can't just give up and hide." Alphys pleaded. The three peered out from their hiding bush in time to see three dogs running in terror followed by a snarling black cat. Razz was catching up though, and with a desperate leap managed to grab the feline as he hit the dirt.

Razz started cackling triumphantly at his prize. "Mwah hah! I have you now spawn of- GAH!"

Doomfanger wasn't having it, clawing up Razz's face and forcing him to release. In no time the cat was off again, leaving a fuming skeleton behind cradling his stinging wounds. Worryingly Undyne was no longer following them.

"Nope."

"We are fine here." The Dogi nodded in agreement. With a sigh Alphys left the bush attempting to track the idiots down again. All too suddenly the people around her began running in an entirely new direction. This definitely couldn't be good.

"ALPHYS! I found the perfect cat for us!" Undyne posed triumphantly holding a huge creature above her head. Shakily Alphys turned to see the snarling slab of muscle.

"Undyne! T-that's a tiger! Where did you find THAT?!"

"Across the street, duh." Alphys worriedly glanced behind her to see several large trucks with "Circus" written on the sides. A couple security guards and a muscular man with a whip were now rushing towards them.

"Stop thief!" One of the men shouted.

"If he wasn't up for adoption then why was his cage on display?!" Undyne snarled back copying the wriggling feline in her hands. The men tried to grab her but were stopped by the seven foot metal fence, being forced to fight their way towards the entrance. The tiger gave a powerful kick trying to get away, but Undyne blocked it easily with several spears and kneed it hard. "Be quiet and stop squirming! I'm doing a thing here!" The big cat whimpered slightly at her tone and tucked its tail between its legs. At least until the sounds of extremely frightened canines neared.

Doomfanger came back into view, chasing at least ten horrified dogs in their direction. A loud roar from the tiger made them all stop in their tracks.

"That's right Cheetoh! NGAAAAAHHHH!!!" Undyne roared back. The dogs were all trembling in place, Undyne and her stolen tiger on one side with an angry stalking Doomfanger on the other. The furious black cat had its fur standing on end as he stalked closer, eye wild and ready to rip into his prey. He lunged forward, only to collide with a hastily summoned purple bone wall. Razz dropped out of a nearby tree, finishing the bone cage and trapping the snarling feline inside.

"MWAH HAH! Take that you sorry excuse of a housecat!" Razz yelled triumphantly. His shirt was now sporting several grass stains as well as a few tears from his last encounter with Doomfanger, and he was determined not to make that mistake again. This time he kept a sizeable distance away from the cage. The dogs stayed in place. Still unsure if it was safe to run or not. A fresh snarl from Razz was the last prompt they needed, all dispersing in different directions.

"Excellent catch Razz!" Papyrus announced jogging over with leash in tow. The park was pretty much empty now with the exception of the monsters themselves.

"Yeah Razz, ya really let the dogs out with that one." Sans appeared close by with a wink.

"Now is not the time Sans!" Papyrus huffed. A fresh wave of snarls from the bone cage made him jump. "Why is he so mad?!" The skeleton asked completely perplexed.

"It's alright kitty." Slim said comfortingly from the other side of the cage. Miraculously that did the trick, instantly quieting the beast. "You can drop the cage now." Slim requested next. Razz was hesitant to do so, but the sure expression on his brother's face made him relent. Slowly he dissipated the enclosure, allowed Slim to scoop up the now very tired feline. Police sirens could be heard off in the distance slowly getting louder as they neared the park.

"You guys might want to go." Alphys whispered in Sans' ear hole when the cops pulled in along with the circus people rushing towards them. "I don't think the police will let Doomfanger live if they catch him for that stunt."

"Will you two be okay?" Sans asked in return, now seeing the cops leaving their cars and entering the park.

"... Yes?" Alphys answered sounding unsure. "Undyne is a c-cop. We'll just explain the confusion, and hopefully pass all the c-chaos off on the tiger." Sans nodded his understanding, turning to the others and directing them behind a bush.

"You heard the lady. Time to make our exit." Sans grabbed onto Papyrus and Razz, taking a shortcut home. Slim sighed and took his own shortcut with Doomfanger held close. Stars how could things get any worse now?


	6. Vanishing Act

Razz awoke with a jolt. Magic flaring he scanned the room, only to remember that he wasn't home. He was in the Undertale skeletons' living room, and he had fallen off the sofa at some point.

It was just another stupid nightmare. Of course they couldn't leave him alone, even in this fluffy world. Sighing he rolled over to check the clock on the wall.

3:48 AM.

And of COURSE he wasn't tired anymore! Groaning he kicked his blanket off, throwing it back on the couch and popping his spine back in place. Stars he feels gross. Maybe now would be a good time to get a shower in? Comic won't be up for a while, and his cloths should be done in the dryer. Sighing he made his way over, opening the machine and grabbing the jeans and shirt out from yesterday. He didn't feel like his work uniform, the only clothing here that was actually his. Stars he hated not having his things.

Slowly he crept up the stairwell and checked every door. It was silent in the Papyruses room, no feline in the hallway, and Sans could be heard snoring through his cracked doorway.

Perfect.

Grabbing a spare towel from the hall closet Razz made his way to the bathroom shutting the door behind him. He swiftly took off the white t-shirt and gym shorts he had borrowed from Sans, revealing a ragged blue bandana tied around his lumbar vertebrae. Carefully he untied the piece of fabric, gently placing it on top of his clean clothing. He needed to be quick about this.

He turned the water on, waiting for it to warm before stepping inside. Instantly he melted under the scorching fluid pounding his bones. Before long he was leaning against the wall, all the aches and pains in his joints rinsing away. This is exactly what he needed. Finally the opportunity to wash off the smell of alcohol and dog park.

Ultimately Razz chose to take his time, meticulously using the scrub brush to clean the dirt particles from between his joints. He stayed in there until the water ran cold. Holy Angel why did it have to end so soon? Grumbling he turned the faucet off, pulling back the shower curtains revealing a foggy mist of steam.

Damn did that feel good.

Carefully he dried every inch of bone with the towel, reveling in the alone time. This was a great idea, and he wasn't disturbed once! Razz glanced at his clean clothing, only for his sockets to gutter out instantly.

His bandana was missing.

No.

No no no, it can't be gone, it's probably just under the shirt. Or maybe rolled up in the pants?

But if that's the case then why can't he find it?! Breathing heavily Razz tore through the rest of the bathroom. He couldn't find it! If it's not in the bathroom then that could only mean…

Razz glanced over at the door, phalanges clenching into fist at seeing the several inch opening leading into the hallway. That means somebody stole it, and he had a pretty good idea as to who did...

"BASTARD!" Razz burst into Sans' room, jumping the groggy skeleton and grabbing his shirt collar. He proceeded to summon several dozen bones, surrounding him with jagged points all angled at his face. Sans' sockets shot open, glancing around in confusion before understanding finally set in.

"The hell-"

"Don't 'the hell' ME!" Razz snarled at his very nervous double. "You know precisely why I'm here, now where is it?!"

Sans just stared at the raging skeleton for a few seconds, unsure how to respond. "... and what is 'it' exactly?"

Razz slammed Sans' head against the mattress, cursing himself for not dragging him to the wall first.

"You know precisely what 'it' is, seeing as you STOLE IT! Now where is it you insufferable worm?!"

The two stared silently at each other a moment longer, Razz trying to hold himself back despite his eyelight sparking dangerously.

"In all honesty pal, I was sleeping quite well until you came in. I mean, if jumping people is how ya get off I won't judge, but you should really ask permiss- GAHH!" Sans gasped when Razz angrily squeezed his clavicle. Sans wasn't giving away anything, and the Papyruses would wake up if he continued much longer.

"Fine, if that's how you want to play I'll just have to tear this place apart until I find it. Just know you have moved to the TOP of my shitlist!" Razz released the other gruffly and stormed out, leaving a very baffled Sans to stair after him.

"... weirdo." Sans shook his head before rolling over. Whatever the hell his alternate was talking about could wait till morning.

XxxxxxxxxX

"SANS!" Papyrus knocked loudly on Sans' door. "Wake up brother! It's morning!" Sans rolled to face the wall, not wanting bedtime to end yet. It wasn't till the fourth series of knocks did he muster the energy to respond.

"Comin' bro." Sans yawned groggily.

"Good! Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes."

"Okay." Sans said while cracking his spine.

"Don't forget to change your clothes today!" Papyrus continued rambling.

"Okay." Sans responded, sleepily grabbing a clean shirt from the closet before sliding it closed again. It almost sounded like Papyrus was done with his normal request list, before he piped up with an unusual one.

"And could you please talk some sense into Razz? He is flipping the whole house upside down!"

"Sure thing Pap." Sans announced as he lumbered over to his treadmill. Slowly he reached for the control panel to grab his jacket, only to meet open air. He turned to search the floor, but the blue coat was nowhere to be found.

That's strange, he was positive he hung it on the treadmill before going to bed. Then again, maybe it was there just a few hours prior? Eyelights narrowed Sans scratched his chin in thought. There's only one explanation for its disappearance, and he needed to speak with Razz about it.

XxxxxxxxxX

"Alright buddy." Sans said giving a strained smile. "Where's my jacket?" Razz was busy throwing the couch cushions around and flipping the sofa over, but stopped when Sans appeared on the coffee table.

"I have no time for your stupidity." Razz waved him off but Sans just leaned in closer.

"Look, I know you think I stole something from ya, so clearly ya took my jacket as a ransom. I've come to get it back." Sans' eyelight flashed blue in warning, though Razz was unperturbed.

"I would never touch your disgusting trash clothing." Razz growled in frustration. "So unless your returning my stolen property I would suggest you MOVE!" The two Sans both readied their magic, getting in position for a fight.

"SANS!" A familiar voice shouted. "No fighting in the house! I just cleaned that room!"

"Sorry bro." Sans sighed. "I just want to find my jacket, but the guy who took it won't help." Papyrus eyed the two critically from the kitchen doorway.

"Did you take my brother's jacket Razz?" Papyrus asked.

"... no." Razz growled through gritted teeth. Papyrus simply ignored the hostility, turning to his own sibling.

"And did you take Razz's… 'thing' brother?"

"Course not." Sans replied sincerely.

"See, nobody stole anything!" Papyrus chimed. "Now how about we look for both your things once I feed Doomfanger?" The two Sanes stiffly nodded, though Comic was doing a far better job of acting natural. Papyrus went back into the kitchen, tapping a spoon against the bowl of cat food.

"Doomfanger! Your breakfast is ready!" Papyrus watched the stairs expectantly, waiting for the fluff ball to come running. After several minutes of silence Papyrus tried again. "Doomfanger! You should really eat your breakfast!" Still nothing. The skeleton swiftly jogged up the steps and opened his bedroom door.

"Sorry to wake you Tiny-me, but have you seen Doomfanger?" Both Sanses looked to each other with concern when Papyrus ran frantically to the bathroom, then to Sans' room and back down the stairs.

"You guys haven't seen Doomfanger recently have you?" Both Sanses shook their heads to Papyrus' dismay. "Well he has to be in the house. Where else could he-"

Papyrus' sockets suddenly widened, focusing in on the living room window. It was open several inches and letting in a nice breeze.

"I-I left the window cracked." Papyrus stammered. "I was airing out the vomit smell in the living room, and forgot to close it yesterday…" the skeleton's hands began to tremble slightly.

"Bro?" Sans approached his brother slowly. "It'll be fine. I'm sure he'll come back-"

"But what if he doesn't?!" Papyrus grabbed Sans by the shoulders. "He could get caught by the police or hit by a car or mauled by a dog!!!" Papyrus had manifested eyeballs at this point, breathing hard in his newfound panic.

"Seriously, I highly doubt that last one will be an issue." Razz deadpanned. Papyrus had already stopped listening though, scrambling to grab a bag of cat treats plus his leash and harness.

"TINY-ME!" Papyrus rushed up the staircase, dragging a very confused Slim down with him. "We need to search the neighborhood for Doomfanger! There is no time to lose!" Slim gave a desperate look at the Sanses as Papyrus drug him the last few feet to the doorway. Rus seemed to pick up on his alternates concern, opting to sling him over his shoulder instead.

"We shall eat breakfast once Doomfanger is found! Now ONWARD!" With that both skeletons were gone, leaving Razz and Sans standing quietly in the living room.

"... I guess the cat gets priority." Sans said after a long awkward silence.

"Agreed." Razz sighed with annoyance. "We should probably come up with a plan before we begin though."

"Wanna check the yard while I start on the house?"

"Very well." Razz agreed. "Well call each other if anything is found."

XxxxxxxxxX

"Here stupid kitty." Sans called in a higher pitched voice. He'd been diligently searching the house for two stinking hours, and had just finished checking the dog shrine under the sink. He honestly didn't know they had a dog shrine, but it wouldn't be a bad place to take a nap later on. Tiredly he swung open the cabinet doors under their absurdly tall sink, hoping that Doomfanger had come out in the meantime. No such luck sadly, his food was still untouched.

Sans let out a big yawn, rubbing his sockets tiredly. Stars he needed a nap. This was way too much activity for any morning. Well, Razz was still searching the attic, and Papyrus and Slim hadn't called yet. Maybe he could sneak a quick one in while no one was looking? Swiftly he took a shortcut to his bedroom, plopping down heavily on the mattress. Stars that felt good, now to snooze before Razz-

"Mew."

Sans shifted when he heard a squeaky noise. That was probably Razz upstairs. Hopefully he wouldn't step on insulation and fall through the ceiling-

"Mew."

The skeleton sat up this time, glancing around curiously. That one definitely wasn't Razz, and it didn't sound like it came from above.

"Mew."

Sans glanced at his closet. Is that where the noise is coming from? That couldn't be Doomfanger though, that cat is definitely a bass. Perhaps a mouse or rat? Sans quietly stood upright, slowly making his way to the closet door. Carefully he pulled the door back, glancing all over the cluttered floor. In the far back corner was his blue jacket, an unfamiliar bandana and that stupid cat.

"There you are." Sans smiled. "You know how worried everyone was about-"

Wait.

What the heck is he sitting on? Or with? There were dark blobby things around his fur and-

Oh.

OH.

That can't be good.

Eyelights shrinking Sans pulled out his cellphone, shakily dialing Papyrus' phone number. It only took one ring to get an answer.

"Sans? Did you find something?!" Papyrus began frantically.

"Uhhhh… Pap, can I ask you something?"

"What is it Sans?" Papyrus questioned on the other line.

"Is it normal for cat poop to wiggle around and squeal?" Sans began not taking his eyelights off the feline.

"No… There was nothing in the binder about that. Why?"

"Okay." Sans nodded. "I think I found Doomfanger in my closet… plus extra-"

"EXCELLENT!" Papyrus screamed in excitement. "We'll be right there! Don't move!" The line went dead within a second, leaving Sans alone with the… things. Stars he was starting to feel sick.

The crashing from above didn't even phase him, nor did the skeleton and debris currently falling through his bedroom ceiling.

"STARS DAMMIT!" Razz snarled kicking at Sans' treadmill.

"Took a wrong step and there still wasn't any cat! I swear to Toriel herself I will kill that feline if it's the last thing I do! I-"

"Was a bandana the thing you were looking for?" Sans interrupted the others tirade. That shut Razz up immediately.

"So you DID steal it! I knew you were lying-"

"It was stolen, but I'm not the thief." Sans motioned towards his closet door. Razz stalked over angrily, eyelights vanishing at the sight.

"... Oh." Was the only response Razz could muster. Both of them stood there in stunned silence, that is until the door downstairs was nearly kicked off the hinges.

"WE'RE BACK BROTHER!" Papyrus leapt into the bedroom carrying an exhausted looking Slim. They were both muddy, covered in grass stains, leaves and burrs. "Thank goodness you found him brother! I had been looking- what are the little things around his belly?"

"Uhhh… you do know where babies come from right Pap?" Sans asked slowly.

"Of course! First you visit a graveyard then-"

"No no! I mean mammals. Ya know, like rabbit monsters?"

"Well of course brother, but Fell said Doomfanger is a boy... and very old."

"I don't think Fell knew how to tell the difference." Razz murmured. "Nor does age mean shit to them."

"Did you know anything about this Tiny-me?" Papyrus turned to his duplicate for answers, but Slim was far too focused on something else. He kept looking between the cat and his brother in suppressed excitement.

"I can't believe it." Sans whispered. "We get to witness the miracle of life… and the stupid cat did it in my jacket."

"And my bandana." Razz groaned pinching his nasal bone in disbelief. He didn't expect the lanky arms that suddenly wrapped around him.

"You actually wear it?" Slim asked with sparkling eyelights.

"Uhhhh, yeah." Razz whispered rather embarrassed. "I've worn it since you gave it to me. Granted it's always hidden bu- UMPH!" The edgy skeleton grunted as he was swept into a tight hug.

"I love you bro." Slim purred happily. Razz raised his hand shakily and gave the other a pat on the arm.

"I… f-feel the same." Razz stuttered.

"Careful Razz, your emotions are showing." Sans grinned slyly.

"Ruin this moment and I swear to the Queen-"

"Quiet down you two!" Papyrus tried to whisper but failed. "The babies are sleeping."

Sure enough five little bean shaped lumps were all curled around Doomfanger's fluffy belly. The bandana and jacket had been pushed into a nest like shape, both sporting stains from the birthing process.

"I suppose we'll need to find a better bed for them." Sans sighed.

"We shall have to let Fell know to. I'm sure he'll be so excited!" Papyrus bounded out of the room to find a decent bed, while Sans followed close behind.

XxxxxxxxxX

"We need names for them!" Papyrus decided. He had just emptied a sizeable box and cut a small divot in the side.

"Don't you think Fell should name them? They're his cats after all." Sans drawled while carrying some spare towels over. The two worked on a proper bed for the babies while Slim and Razz watched the kittens silently.

"I mean temporary names!" Papyrus corrected. "What do you think Tiny-me?"

"Hmmmm… Doomfanger Junior." Slim pointed at the black one trying to navigate its mother's stomach.

"That's a great choice Tiny-me! Would you like to name one too Razz?"

"... I'll think about it." Razz shrugged eyeing his bandana. Doomfanger had placed it alongside her belly, where all five kittens were now resting on it peacefully. He really wanted it back, and Slim seemed to pick up on the sentiment.

"We'll get it back once they're moved." The younger assured. Razz only sighed, rubbing his sockets roughly.

"That's not the only thing I'm worried about." The elder murmured. "We have an insane cat mom with five kittens. That's even more trouble then when it was only Doomfanger."

"Are you doubting our abilities at cat care?" Sans asked.

"Yes, after yesterday's fiasco that's exactly what concerns me." Razz huffed.

"There's nothing to fear!" Papyrus announced with a heroic pose. "I have Fell's notes! And we have done a decent job so far!"

"Oh really?" Razz deadpanned.

"Of course! Nothing has caught on fire yet!" Razz took a few minutes to think on the implications of that statement, when Sans cleared his throat.

"Beds finished. Shall we move them?" Slim nodded in agreement, pulling the closet door further open. Gently he began moving the kittens to their new bed.

The first was a small cinnamon calico, squealing and wriggling in his gentle grip. The next was Doomfanger Junior, solid black and lax in his phalanges. The next two were twin tabbies, one a grey color and the other ginger. The last kitten was the smallest, a grey squirmy bean with white paws and belly. Doomfanger followed on her own, jumping into the box and curling around her babies.

Razz still couldn't believe their bad luck. First was yesterday's events that sent half the town into a panic, and now they have five extra lives to look after. He prayed things wouldn't get any worse, though he highly doubted it.


End file.
